


Dean's Carry On Prayer

by FeatherySkittles



Category: Supernatural
Genre: #TheirLoveWasReal (Supernatural), Abandoned Dean Winchester, Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Angel Wings, Angel/Human Relationships, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brief suicidal thought, Caring Castiel (Supernatural), Caring Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester Wing Kink, Comforting Castiel (Supernatural), Comforting Dean Winchester, Consent, Dean Winchester is Not Okay, Declarations Of Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, First Kiss, Gentle Castiel (Supernatural), Gentle Kissing, Heaven, Invisible Castiel (Supernatural), M/M, POV Dean Winchester, Sad Dean Winchester, Sad with a Happy Ending, Short & Sweet, Tearjerker, Winged Castiel (Supernatural), Worried Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:02:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29736357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeatherySkittles/pseuds/FeatherySkittles
Summary: This is an additional scene I’d like to add from my own Destiel head cannon to partially fix the Supernatural series finale S15E20 (so if you’re still avoiding spoilers please stop reading now and go to another story!). This story happens in Heaven, right after Dean takes his scenic drive during which I imagine him thinking about all his experiences on Earth, the friendships and love interests he now misses, and contemplates what would make him happiest in this brand new version of Heaven. After Dean exits the Impala, he prays to Cas, hoping to see the angel once again and resolve their feelings briefly expressed during Cas' tearful goodbye speech on Earth.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 36
Collections: Their Love Was Real: a Destiel & Saileen Fanworks Challenge





	Dean's Carry On Prayer

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Here’s a portion of one scene I’d like to add from my own Destiel head cannon to partially fix the Supernatural series finale S15E20 (so if you’re still avoiding spoilers please stop reading now and go to another story). This story happens in Heaven, right after Dean takes his scenic drive during which I imagine him thinking about all his experiences on Earth, the friendships and love interests he now misses, and contemplates what would make him happiest in this brand new version of Heaven. If you watch the Carry On episode, imagine that this scene takes place right after Dean exits his car and is standing by the bridge railing overlooking the sunlit scenery, but before Sam arrives beside him. 
> 
> This drabble was also inspired by an older meme I’ve seen floating around Pinterest and Facebook, where Dean is sitting on his bed in the Man of Letters bunker praying aloud to Cas, detailing how sexy he thinks the angel is and how much Cas stirs his lust, until Sam interrupts telling him to keep his wet dream to himself. That meme always makes me laugh!  
> https://www.pinterest.com/pin/61783826121525190/
> 
> This is a short, one shot drabble for the #TheirLoveWasReal fan challenge day 1 prompt of “Carry On”. To me, these prompts are inspirational as I adore Destiel immensely and also seek to expand my writing repertoire. Please forgive the typos, odd parts, or out of context things as these prompts have been percolating in my brain awhile and now I need to quickly bang them out before the deadline closes on this collection, so editing will be minimal. Thanks for being gentle and forgiving with your critique of this particular drabble, and enjoy another brief work devoted to the romantic love between these two fictional characters as even in cannon their love was real although (in my opinion) cut short in the Supernatural show’s depiction of their relationship over 11 years, especially in the disaster that was the series finale.  
> * * * * *

Dean Winchester had been driving his beloved car, Baby, through the beautiful scenic autumn-colored woods as he thought about what Bobby had told him after his arrival in Heaven- that Jack had saved Castiel from the Empty, and since then Castiel and Jack had together been redesigning and rebuilding Heaven into a much happier interconnected place than Chuck’s previous version had been. Bobby had also told Dean that time worked very differently in Heaven than it had on Earth, and insinuated that he’d soon find what he was missing most- the one person who would make this new place feel like home. Bobby hadn’t specifically named that particular person and had simply smiled, winked, and nodded at Baby, indicating Dean could go for a drive to clear his head and eventually find his most precious star which he longed to be with more than any other person to spend the rest of eternity beside. 

Dean finally stopped Baby over an expansive bridge which vaguely reminded him of some of his favorite piers on Earth, where he could always relax, soak up the sunshine which warmed his body and soul, smell the fresh clean water which somehow rejuvenated him, and feel the gentle breeze blow away his fears, worries, and insecurities. Some of his best, happiest, most fulfilling memories on Earth involved when his friends and family had been near bodies of water, so now in Heaven he delighted in being able to discover what glorious feelings and experiences it might bring him to be surrounded by the peaceful woods overlooking a flowing river on a bright sunny day. 

He exited the Impala, strode over to the bridge’s railing, ran his hands along the hot metal which had been warmed by the sun, and closed his eyes, soaking up this new experience while wishing he could share it with someone special, feel their arms embrace him in a loving hug, and hear the words, “Welcome home where you’ll always be safe, happy, and loved here in my arms where we’ll be together forever”. A single tear slid down his cheek as although Heaven was beautiful and he’d soon get to see some of his best friends and family who’d previously died, he deeply missed one particular guy whom he had feared he’d never be able to see again but whom he had desperately longed to be beside for eternity.

For a brief minute the gentle breeze turned into a very strong gust of wind and Dean heard a familiar *whump* noise which he hadn’t heard in five years. His heart momentarily seemed to stop beating, his breath caught in his throat, and he opened his eyes wide, daring to hope his suspicions might be confirmed as he searched for his beloved angel whom he desperately wanted to see.

“Cas, are you here?” Dean whispered hopefully as his eyes darted quickly around him to discover family of birds had taken flight from their perch on a nearby tree, and the wind had now died down to merely a gentle breeze again. Alas, Dean remailed alone on the bridge. 

“Son of a bitch,” Dean cursed, angry to have dared to hope only to be let down once again. Fear began to creep into his mind that his wish had been too good to be true- that Cas was too busy rebuilding Heaven so either didn’t care enough to take the extra time out of his busy schedule to greet his special friend, or perhaps even worse- that Cas no longer wished to see Dean at all. Sadness and anguish overtook Dean at the thought that perhaps Cas hadn’t actually meant romantic love when he’d confessed how he envisioned Dean and his feeling to be moments before the Empty had claimed him, or perhaps even worse, that Cas had changed his mind. Perhaps confessing love aloud had been safe while knowing they’d never see each other again so would never have to deal with continuing their relationship, but now that they were both in Heaven perhaps denial, repression, angst, or a change of heart might wreck their relationship so Cas didn’t want to see him as it’d be easier and safer to stay away..

Dean propped his elbows on the railing, hung his head in his hands, and released a deep, long, agonizing sigh. He’d only have once chance to do this and although he didn’t want to ruin it with jumbled words or confused meanings, he couldn’t hold back any longer, so began praying.

“Cas, if you’re out there and have your ears on, it’s me, Dean…” he paused uncertainly and took a deep breath before continuing. “Look, I feel terrible that I never had the chance to say anything back to you before the Empty claimed you. I couldn’t think then- it all happened so fast, and I was feeling so many things at once and was too terrified to respond. Please forgive me.”

Dean wiped a few tears from his eyes and glanced around, but he was still alone on the bridge. He wondered fleetingly if Cas was silently listening or perhaps even standing nearby while remaining invisible, as he sometimes had done on Earth. More tears leaked from Dean’s eyes as he tried to fight back feelings of uncertainty and rejection, fearing Cas wasn’t yet comfortable enough to be with Dean or answer him. He openly sobbed for a minute before gathering the strength to continue praying.

“Cas, I know you’re out there, so listen up you beautiful, infuriating, confusing, loving tease of a steely, intense, sexy bitch! I love you too, dammit, and I’m not gonna rest until I find your winged ass and pin you down until you understand what I’m trying to say to you- you hear me?”

Resolve and determination rose into Dean as he spoke and became more confident with each word, as his fear of rejection had somehow transformed into a deep desire to be heard, recognized, and to make his intentions known to all of Heaven that he needed Cas, flat out _loved_ Cas, and wouldn’t stop searching until he found his beloved angel, even if he had to enlist the help of everyone he knew to track down the illusive, transparent, teleporting wreck of a fool if he was trying to avoid Dean. 

“You’re not getting away from me this time and I want to spend the rest of eternity with you Cas! I’m sorry I was such a dumbass on Earth and kept holding back and denying the type of relationship we could have had. I was too stupid and stubborn and scared to give in, and I wasted so much precious time then, time I wish more than anything I could get back now-, but I’m done hiding my true thoughts and feelings, and now I _NEED_ to be with you, in whatever way you’ll have me, because… because I love you, Cas… I really do _love_ you!”

Dean held his breath for a moment in disbelief that he’d finally said those words aloud. Of course he’d thought them for years, but never had the guts to tell Cas on Earth how he really felt, and had simply hoped Cas would pick up on his hints and make the move to either tell him that he loved him back, or else might forgo words and would simply kiss him- but neither of those had happened until mere moments before Cas’ death and then it was too late. But now that they were together in Heaven, Dean vowed to himself to take full advantage of this opportunity and dive head first into expressing his true feelings without holding back any longer. 

Dean stood up, raised his eyes to the sky, pumped one fist into the air, and shouted loudly, “CAS, I LOVE YOU !!! I _need_ you, and I want to spend the rest of eternity with you, if you’ll let me. Look, if you want to just be friends or brothers and nothing more, I understand and I can do that, but if you want to be more, I’m totally into that too, but only if you also want that, which now I’m thinking you might not want me that way since you still haven’t appeared, but I can dial that back if you want- I just need to see you and hug you and have you tell me that everything will be okay! Please, Cas, don’t leave me this way. Don’t run from me like I’ve always ran from you on Earth. It’ll tear me apart if you keep avoiding me cause I know you’re out there somewhere porting around Heaven. Don’t make me search for you cause I will!”

After a minute had passed without any sign of change around him, Dean slumped down against the railing and began to cry openly, deep sobs racking his shaking body, as the love of his life remained unresponsive to his heart-felt confession. Perhaps Cas could not forgive Dean and did not want him anymore. How could he ever truly enjoy being in Heaven, knowing Cas had interacted with Dean’s other friends but avoided him? He’d rather be in Hell that live eternity without Cas, knowing he was somewhere nearby but wouldn’t even show himself to the person he’d once gushed over during his teary confession of love and adoration. 

This abandonment was too much for Dean to bare and he briefly wondered if he could die while in Heaven by jumping off the bridge, or if he could beg Jack to send him somewhere else to spend the rest of eternity- anywhere else besides Heaven with his beloved angel who no longer cared for him. 

Suddenly Dean felt the gentle, light touch of thousand invisible things quickly envelop his entire body. He instinctively nuzzled his face into silky feathers which slowly turned visibly ebony as he carefully clasped them and ran his fingers lovingly through the warm pulsating, blanket which was now soothingly massaging his body. Dean kissed the feathers near his mouth sweetly and purred contentedly, as he snuggled his body into the firm figure standing directly behind him. 

Dean felt soft, wet lips kiss the back of his neck before he heard a familiar voice whisper in his ear, “Welcome home, Dean. I love you too and am thrilled you want to spend the rest of eternity here with me beside you. I’m sorry I didn’t appear earlier- I was afraid you wouldn’t want to see me or had misunderstood that I meant I loved you romantically, not merely as a friend or brother. I’ve got you now though, and I’ll never leave you again, my love.” 

Dean slowly turned around to face Cas, his eyes open wide in astonishment while his whole body trembled and he bit his lower lip nervously. Dean gazed into those intense, dazzling blue eyes glistening with tears, and immediately melted against his partner’s chest. “Oh Cas, I’ve missed you so much,” he sighed quietly in relief. 

“I’ve missed you too, Dean. Let’s start a new life here together, shall we?” asked Cas as he lovingly cupped Dean’s face in both of his hands, tilted Dean’s chin upward, and slowly leaned in to place a sweet kiss on Dean’s trembling lips.


End file.
